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xscreamorockerx

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We're So Far Away [Nov. 10th, 2005|10:34 am]
xscreamorockerx
[mood |hopefulhopeful]
[music |Relient K "The Truth"]

Did you know how you would move me? Did you know? Did you know how you would
move me? Well, I don’t even think so. But the moment's magic swept us away. And it’s so close but we’re so far away. It’s so close but we’re so far away.
link1 comment|post comment

(no subject) [Jun. 9th, 2005|04:07 pm]
xscreamorockerx
some advice!!

Body: some definite good advice(im to paranoid had to repost)
Body: What a Girlfriend SHOULD Know and a boyfriend SHOULD do


Guys:Put your hands around her waist firmly
girls: lay your headback on his shoulder and put your arms on his.


Guys:whisper in her ear
Girls: giggle


Girls:whenever he tries to kiss you, don't just let him, kiss him back.


Girls: When you want to cuddle with him, tell him you're cold
Guys: automatically move closer to her. (if your stupid then you'll either say" me too " or you'll give her your jacket... don't)


Girls: During a movie, if he puts his arm around you, tilt your head on his shoulder
guys: lift her chin up and kiss her.


Guys: When she tells you she loves you, look deep into her eyes, give her a peck on the lips, and tell her you love her too... and mean it.


Girls:When you're both laying under the stars, put yourhead on his chest and close your eyes as you listen to his steady heart beat
Guys: whisper in her ear and link your hands with hers.



Now make a wish about something you would like to happen
between you and your crush....



* ** *** **** *****
*********** ********** ********* ******** *******
******
***** **** *** ** * * ** *** **** ***** ******
******* ******** ********* ********** ***********
************
******************* ****************** *****************
**************** *************** **************
*************
************ *********** ********** ********* ********
*******
****** ***** **** *** ** * * ** *** **** ! *****
******
******* ******** ********* ********** ***********
************
************* ************** ***************
****************
**************** ****************** *******************
******************** ********************* ************
***********
********** ********* ******** ******* ***************
************** ************* ************ ***********
**********
********* ******** ******* ****** ***** **** *** **
*
* ** *** **** *****
*********** ********** ********* ******** *******
******
***** **** *** ** * * ** *** **** ***** ******
******* ******** ********* ********** ***********
************
******************* ****************** *****************
**************** *************** **************
*************
************ *********** ********** ********* ********
*******
****** ***** **** *** ** * * ** *** **** ! *****
******
******* ******** ********* ********** ***********
************
************* ************** ***************
****************
**************** ****************** *******************
******************** ********************* ************
***********
********** ********* ******** ******* ***************
************** ************* ************ ***********
**********
********* ******** ******* ****** ***** **** *** **
*


STOP!! STOP!! STOP!!

now copy and repost this. if you don't you'll have bad relationships for 69 years

by 12pm tonight ur 1 true love will suddenly want you.
if you don't repost this than
your life (not just love life) will have bad luck forever
link2 comments|post comment

No One Like You [Jun. 2nd, 2005|11:41 am]
xscreamorockerx
[mood |thankfulthankful]
[music |"No one Like You" David Crowder Band]

Nikki, I want to thank you for breaking up with me. I know that sounds weird but im so happy we did!!! lol. I am the happiest guy ever right now. You know we really needed this. and i am finally seeing that! Thank you! Im not saying i dont love you because i do and when you are ready i'll be here for you, but im glad your taking time cause i need it too!

See for the past 7 months or so i have put God on the back burner in my life. I still went to church and stuff but my relationship with him wasnt growing at all. Actually it was getting worser. Nikki do you remember the first time you broke up with me? You were putting me infront of God. Well honestly i have been putting nikki infront of God. The past day i have seen so much that i want to change. And God has comforted me and healed my broken heart!!! Im so thankful for him in my life. There is no one like him!!! Thank you Jesus!!!
Also there is so much going on in my life and just like nikki im kinda confused. I know that God will help me with that and getting back into him and letting him control my life becuase i want his plan for my life!! Nikki, i think you should do the same. It will help you.

Nikki i still love you. Im not saying i dont. You are still my hearts Desire. You are still my everything. And i cant wait until God is ready for us to be together again! I LOVE YOU SUGAR BOOGER!!!!

Jesus u want to thank you for all that you have done for me. You have really shown me so much these past days. Im sry i ran from you. Im Yours now! =D

Thanks everyone who has been here for me the past couple days..chelsea,allison,shawna,jess,nate,eric,Karen and everyone i forgot im sry! May all praise be to Jesus Christ our Lord and Savior!!!

You are more beautiful
Than anyone ever
Everyday You're the same
You never change, no never

And how could I ever deny
The love of my Savior
You are to me everything
All I need forever

How could You be so good to me?

There is no one like You
There has never ever been anyone like You

Everywhere You are there
Earth or air surrounding
I'm not alone, the heavens sing along
My God You're so astounding
How could You be so good to me
Eternally I believe that'

You, You, You, You, You, You

How could You be so good to me?
How could You be so good to me?
We're not alone, so sing along
We're not alone, so sing along, sing along, sing along

There is no one like You
There has never been anyone like You
There is no one like You
There has never been anyone like You
There his no one like our God, yeah
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So She Says... [Jun. 1st, 2005|03:07 pm]
xscreamorockerx
[music |Finding Aquila]

and I take it somethings wrong what are you thinking girl your staring off again with just a blank look in your face but im trying to forget it what I know is gonna happen though she tells me that shes got something to say . so she says its over and done but does she really mean it maybe we just need a little time to show you we were perfect . now im running round in circles are you sure its for the better would you ever reconsider anyway then shell pause for just a moment take a glance at what shes throwing all away don’t make me say it all again . do doo do do do doo doo
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(no subject) [May. 28th, 2005|11:37 am]
xscreamorockerx
me and nikki broke up yesterday. I dont understand it at all. I love her so much. Nikki i love you and i always will no matter what. You mean more to me than anything in this world. I doubt you will see this but its ok i guess. Im sry for everything i did. I never knew nikki i never knew... i love you.
Every word of this is how i feel and so much more......



three sleepless nights
this isn't how it's supposed to be
but you're so good at taking your time
to give back to me

I will wait for you forever
if you would just ask me
I thought that I could change you
but you changed me

but it doesn't feel right
holding someone else's hand
together on phone lines
and living at two opposite ends

it scares me to think that you could find takers
other than me and better than me

but your head is elsewhere
and I'm talking enough for both of us
when will you see it's not so easy for me

you careless and whispered
insulting and bruising
and I thought that you said
things were improving
these laces are untied
but my feet are walking away
(I fall from your eyes. Your eyes I trusted. You said forever)

I never thought you could say these words
is this really happening
(don't say that we can still be friends)

erase my name from this page
how can you take all these days
(what is inside me, what have I done)
and throw them away,
(is this the only way that you will notice me)
as I sit here waiting for you
(dead words for closed ears, all this is sung for you)
I stay up nights
(if you are still pretending this is what's right)
until stars leave the sky
(why can you look at me can you only see)
knowing what my dreams can take away
(sides, your side, can take away)

walk away from me
this night is done
linkpost comment

(no subject) [May. 22nd, 2005|10:09 am]
xscreamorockerx
Nikki baby, Im sry about everything that has happend over the past week, well really over the past months. I remember New Years eve, you telling me you loved me for the last 5 mins of the year and us thinking that this year to come was going to be even better than last. I think we can both agree it hasnt. There has been some good times but alot of bad too. And for the i am sorry. I shouldnt take things out on you like i do. Everything kind of hit me last night when you wouldnt come back to me. And i had felt that i had lost my life. Nikki im sry for all of the confusiom that i have cause the past couple of months. I want our dream of this year being better to come true. And its going to happen. Sabrina Nicole i love you with all of my heart and i always will. It's all for you now baby everything i do is all for you. I love you Sugar booger!!!!



Live for today
We'll dream tomorrow
We've got big plans in sight
We'll take this city and by nightfall...
The bright lights are calling

Everything is going our way
Everything is just as we've planned
This is our future (from what we've heard)
And i've still got your hand

And it feels like we could last forever
And im not doing to do this alone

When memories fade
We've got each other
When time and confusion collide
Singin' I hold it all when I hold you
When friends walk other ways
We've got each other
I hold it all when I hold
I hold it all when I hold you


We fell on hard times
This isn't the ideal
Miles from home
Doing the best we can (Best that we can)

I won't do this without you
I won't do this without you so take heart
'Cause you know that you have mine


And it feels like we could last forever
And im not doing to do this alone

When memories fade
We've got each other
When time and confusion collide
Singin' I hold it all when I hold you
When friends walk other ways
We've got each other
I hold it all when I hold
I hold it all when I hold

It's not about the money we make
It's about the passions that we ache for
What makes your heart beat faster
Tell me now what does your body long after

I don't care now where we live
It's not where, or what, or who we were with
I just need you in my life
So promise me again...


When memories fade
We've got each other
When time and confusion collide
Singin' I hold it all when I hold you
When friends walk other ways
We've got each other
I hold it all when I hold
I hold it all when I hold You
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(The Symphony Of) Blasé [May. 21st, 2005|06:40 pm]
xscreamorockerx
cant i do anything right anymore? It seems no matter what i do there is always something wrong with it or i am the one thats wrong. I just dont know anymore, im getting to the point where it just hurts to much to care...



Are there no shadows where you are?
I can see everything as day
Problems that you try to hide away
Pushing me aside (You're pushing me aside)

Could the winter calm come twice?
Because your heart seems so cold tonight
Thirst for substance somehow isn't right
It's killing me inside (It's killing you inside)
Killing me inside

I don't wanna be where you are
I don't wanna be here even now
I don't wanna be by your side
If something isn't right
If something isn't right

This is our last goodnight
Say what you will
Say all that you can
Words have no meaning
When I've seen where you've been

This is our last goodnight
Say what you will
Say all that you can
This is our last goodbye
This is where love ends

Are you so naive to right and wrong
How could you watch innocence forgone
Does what we've done ever really belong?
It wasted me away (I feel so wasted away)

God if you can hear me out alright
Please take these feelings for her inside
My chest hurts when I breathe tonight
It's wasting me away (You're wasting me away)
You're wasting me away

I don't wanna be where you are
I don't wanna be here even now
I don't wanna be by your side
If something isn't right
If something isn't right

This is our last (This is our last)

This is our last goodnight
Say what you will
Say all that you can
Words have no meaning
When I've seen where you've been

This our last goodnight
Say what you will
Say all that you can
This is our goodbye
This is where love ends

This is our last goodnight
Say what you will
Say all that you can
Words have no meaning
When I've seen where you've been

This is our last goodnight
Say what you will
Say all that you can
This is our last goodbye
This is where love ends
linkpost comment

UnderOath [May. 10th, 2005|04:26 pm]
xscreamorockerx
I cant believe that i havent written in this thing in forever. Well besides the ever occassional nikki i love you entrys. lol but there are nothing wrong with those..i actually like those, even if i dont get chris i love you entrys from nikki...anyways

Life latey has been so how can i put it...amazing... i guess. I cant believe i didnt write about Grad Bash. That was amazing. Saw Taking Back Sunday and hung out with all my friends. Im not gonna write bout everything that happend though since it was last month but an amazing experience! I think were all gonna go back to see RelientK at the end of the month but who knows?

Last night was the UnderOath Show. Absolutely amazing! All though they didnt play my fav song " Some will seek forgivness, others escape" But it was still worth night. The first two bands to play blowed. Fear before the march of flames and These arms are snakes were horrible. Then the chariot played. I love them. Crazy Christian Hardcore. So awesome. It was an awesome night with all my show goin friends..

There are only 6 more days left of school..wow i cant belive that. Then who knows what happens with my life. Kinda scary...kinda cool. Whereever God takes me i guess..anyways ima end this but it was a good update

Rock on
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Say Wont You Say [May. 7th, 2005|11:14 am]
xscreamorockerx
Nikki happy year and 4 months! i love you so much baby. I ould make this longer but as you know im grounded so im sry its short. I love you!!!

Oh say won't You say
Say that You love me
with love ever, love, love everlasting
All my devotion put into motion by You

Every morning I have the chance to rise
and give my all
Every afternoon I find
I have only wasted time
in light of Your awe

Isn't love amazing
I forgot how to speak
Knowing You are near and
I am finally free

Oh say won't You say
Say that You love me
with love ever, love, love everlasting
All my devotion put into motion by You

My eyes fear to close
This reckless letting go is hard to bear
On the edge of all I need
Still I cling to what I see
And what have I there?

Bred my own disaster
Who have I to blame?
All I need is waiting
to be fanned to flame

Oh say won't You say
Say that You love me
with love ever, love, love everlasting
All my devotion put into motion by You

I open up my eyes to see You standing there
Oh, I can barely breathe
I can hardly bear all the love that I feel for You inside
I hope You feel it now
some, somehow

oh say won't You say
Say that You love me
With love ever, love, love everlasting
All my devotion put into motion by You
by You, yeah

Other
linkpost comment

Reflections of Love [Apr. 25th, 2005|05:17 pm]
xscreamorockerx
[mood |ecstaticecstatic]
[music |Barlow Girl]

omg! I feel so amazing right now. I have absolutely the best girlfriend in the whole world. I love her with all my heart. I cant believe its going to be a year and four months soon. Man i was reading our old entrys and notes...i fall for her all over again every time i read them. They are so funny. She is seriously like the best girl in the world. I could put all the quality's of hte perfect girl down and they wouldnt even come close to nikki

.and you cant have your energy back buddy..its sleeping with me tonite lol [x Mandy Moore]B653956

haha well that'll work...but what if i wanna cuddle wif it? [x Mandy Moore]


that would be a good thing ;) u could make up for all the kisses u owe me lol! [x Mandy Moore]


heyyy!! this isnt chris..hehe but you can probably tell cause everything is pink *giggles* chris i did it to piss you off :) lol welll i hafta write this entry because chris is too lazy to write in his own diary lol!! oh and yeah im chris's AWESOME girlfriend! lol jk!! sorry chris im bein a dork but yeah im on ur diary so thats why =) just kiddin! i love ya! haha but okay gurlies..we need to have us a little talk--if your desperate GO AWAY!!!!! grr...lol okay thats all-but yeah nobody mess with chris cause if you do-i'll beat u up!! lmao--and cause yeah hes too cool for that!! chris stay sweet! i love you! *xoxo*


everybody check out my diary! its x mandy moore! but leave chris lotsa notes =) cause hes cool


Ť-*¨°ˇ..¸.ˇ* BoUnCe*ˇ.¸.ˇ°¨*-ť

*****N!KK!*****

hey baby-thanks :) and yeah i hope she gets better too..gosh u are sooo amazing :) i love you baby!!!! hehe *hugs* im glad you feel better too!! =) *xoxo* sweet dreams hun! g'nite baby! [x Mandy Moore]B653956
i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u!! lol guess what...I MISS YOU!! haha ok i'll shut up--but yeah i really do miss ya bunches--and caitlyn is still the same well except shes breathing on her own a little better *shrugs* but im goin to see her now so i'll ttyl! love you! [x Mandy Moore]B653956

ok so all of that was from April of 2003...i cant believe that i have know nikki this long. Its crazy. I just wanna spend the rest of my life with her. With out a doubt she the girl for me...

Nikki baby i love you with all my heart! i know at times we fight and im sry. Im learning has we go. And i promise it only gets better! Thats one promise i cant break! I love you with all my heart and im so glad that it you that im with..Your everything to me. Nikki i have never been so close to someone like i have with you. Thank you for everything. I LOVE YOU WITH ALL MY HEART..PLUS SO MUCH MORE!!!!...now update baby!!!!!! lol i love you!
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one-eighty by summer [Apr. 23rd, 2005|05:23 pm]
xscreamorockerx
Go on just say it,
You need me like a bad habit,
One that leaves you defenseless, dependent, and alone.
Go on just say it (Are you afraid to),
You need me like a bad habit (Say what you want to, tell me you want to),
One that leaves you defenseless, dependent, and alone. (Are you afraid to say what you want to, tell me you want to).

I hold my tongue use it to assess,
The damage from way back when it mattered,
But nothing seems important anymore,
We’re just protecting ourselves from our self,
And I don’t think I’ll ever come back down (I don’t think I’ll ever come back down),
I don’t think I’ll ever come back down (I don’t think I’ll ever come back down),
I don’t think I’ll ever come back down (I don’t think I’ll ever come back…),
I don’t think I’ll ever come back…

Are you ashamed to say what you want to tell me you want to.
Are you ashamed to say what you want to tell me you want to.
(Come on just say it) Are you ashamed to (Come on just say it) say what you want to tell me you want to.
(Come on just say it) Are you ashamed to (Come on just say it) say what you want to tell me you want to.

I’m making the difference,
It just seems pointless,
With all the obvious lines all out of focus.
Why can’t you just be happy,
Why can’t you just be happy.
And I don’t think I’ll ever come back down (I don’t think I’ll ever come back down),
I don’t think I’ll ever come back down (I don’t think I’ll ever come back down),
I don’t think I’ll ever come back down (I don’t think I’ll ever come back…),
I don’t think I’ll ever come back...

(Just come back, just come back...)
Go on just say it, (just come back...)
Come on just say it, (just come back...)
Well I’ll just say it, (just come back...)
I’ll just say it, (just come back...)
I need you defenseless, dependent and alone.
(Just come back, just come back, just come back...)
She says live up to your first impression,
Well my best side was your worst invention,
Can't you live without the attention?
Can't you live without the attention?
(Just come back, just come back, just come back...)
She says live up to your first impression,
Well my best side was your worst invention,
Can't you live without the attention?
Can't you live without the attention?

She says live up to your first impression (Come on, just say it),
Well my best side was your worst invention (Come on, just say it),
Why can't you live without the attention (I need you defenseless, dependent),
Why can't you live without the attention (alone).
She says live up to your first impression (I just say it),
Well my best side was your worst invention (I just say it),
Why can't you live without the attention (I need you defenseless, dependent),
Why can't you live without the attention (Alone),
Why can't you live (Defenseless, dependent),
Why can't you live (Defenseless, dependent),
Why can't you live…without…live…without (Defenseless, dependent, defenseless, dependent),
Why can't you live (Defenseless, dependent),
Why can't you live (Defenseless, dependent),
Why can't you live…without…live…without (Defenseless, dependent, defenseless, dependent).
link1 comment|post comment

Hurting [Apr. 8th, 2005|04:57 pm]
xscreamorockerx
I wish I could write this incredible entry about me and nikki. How we have grown so much and how were so in love. But I cant. Yesterday was our year and 3 months. I think we talked for a total of like 5 mins last nght. It sucked. Lately we have been through so much. Ive we have made It through were still together…but I just don’t know anymore. I love nikki I do with all my heart. There is no one like her and there never will be. Id be the luckiest guy in the world to be with her forever. We we almost broke up awhile back it was real bad then it happened again some time last week and I promised her it wouldn’t again. So ive been tryin so hard the past couple days to give her my all. To show her how much I love her even more than I have been. I wanna give her everything. But I just don’t feel like sees it. And I hate it cause everytime I do somthin wrong she brings up the past. Like today we faught. And I guess we still are? I don’t know and she brought up all this stuff from the past. And im trying so hard to just love her and show her love and I just feel shes not at all that it dosent matter anymore. I just wish things would go back to the way the were. I wish we could be so perfect again. I wish she would show me she loved me.

Nikki no of this was meant to hurt you. I just had to put how I feel down. And I don’t even think that gave it justice. Im sry though. Nikki the past 3 days ive been tryin so hard for you and its like you cant even see it. If im not good enough for you im sry but I really do love you. I just wish you would show it to me sometimes. Once again im sorry and I really do love you with all my heart! I hope you have a better day baby! I love you sooooo much!!!
linkpost comment

Love Songs [Mar. 21st, 2005|02:28 pm]
xscreamorockerx
[mood |happyhappy]

Nikki baby i love you. I love you will all of my heart. I know that lately i havent shown it and its been hard to see and im so sorry. Im sorry for everything that has happened this past weekend! You left me a note about a week ago saying how everything is so perfect and you would trade it for the world. That meant so much to me and i just want us to go back to being perfect again. You mean more to me than anything. So here are some lyrics for you that make me think of you...I love you Sugar Booger!!!!!!!!


"It only took a minute, to let you in my life
It only took a minute, for me to realize
It only took a minute, and i knew just what to do
It only to a minute to fall in love with you"

"Ohhh it seems like I can finally rest my
head on something real
I like the way that feels
Ohhh it's as if you know me better than I ever
knew myself
I love how you can tell
all the pieces pieces pieces of me
all the pieces pieces pieces of me"

"It's the sweet love that you give to me
That makes me believe we can make it through anything
'Cause when it all comes down
And I'm feeling like I'll never last
I just lean on you 'cause baby
You're my better half"

"I'll be there for you
These five words I swear to you
When you breathe I want to be the air for you
I'll be there for you
I'd live and I'd die for you
Steal the sun from the sky for you
Words can't say what a love can do
I'll be there for you"

"I know she's not perfect
but she tries so hard for me
And I thank God that she isn't
'cause how boring would that be
It's the little imperfections
it's the sudden change in plans
When she misreads the directions
and we're lost but holdin' hands
Yeah I live for little moments like that"

"Every night I get down on my knees and pray
I thank the Lord above for you each day
I was lost and then I found you
You make my ocean, you make my sky blue
You make me smile
You make me sing
You make me scream
You make me, everything
You make me laugh
You make me cry
You make me live
You make me die
You make me, me"


"Be
Be the one I need
Be the one I trust most
Don't stop inspiring me...
Running, running
As fast as we can
I really hope you make it
We're running
Keep holding my hand
It's so we don't get separated"

"I can't go on not loving you"
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Our love keeps goin..... [Mar. 6th, 2005|08:09 pm]
xscreamorockerx
A year and 2 months. I just cant believe it. I dont even know what to say. I know that its been the best year and 2 months of my life though. Even in the really hard times i wouldnt trade it for anything.

6 Place me like a seal over your heart,
like a seal on your arm;
for love is as strong as death,
its jealousy unyielding as the grave.
It burns like blazing fire,
like a mighty flame.
7 Many waters cannot quench love;
rivers cannot wash it away.
If one were to give
all the wealth of his house for love,
it would be utterly scorned -Song of Solomon 8:6-7

I love that verse! I talks about love and how strong true love is. It reminds me of love i have for nikki. The love she has for me. Theres nothing better.

Brina baby i love you! I love you with all my heart and im so glad that its been this long and that everyone who ever doubted or tried to get in our way was wrong. I love you and i always will. Even in the hard times im there for you. Even when it may not seem like it cause we fight im there for you and i always will be. I love you more than anything in the world. You are the greatest blessing that God could have ever gave me and i think him everyday for you! I love you and i always will. Feel better baby!! Cause you deserve it! SHOUST!!!!!
link1 comment|post comment

Where the party at? [Feb. 21st, 2005|09:32 am]
xscreamorockerx
[mood |tiredtired]

Whoa so its like way to early for me to be writing in this thing but i havent in along time so here it goes..

Life lately has been so crazy. Ive been having to do all this college stuff and i really dont care about it right now..but i know i will later so its gotta be done.

Nothing really has happened with my friends lately. Usually there would be this big fight or some kinda of drama going on but this year it seems that there hasnt been any. Which is good. Cause most of the time it was around me.

Me and Nikki. Dude. Me and Nikki. I dont even know what to say. Shes so STUPID!!! lol im so jk baby!!! Nah me and brina have been awesome. Pretty soon it wil be a year and 2 months. Which is just crazy. It seems like i spend all my time with her...i actually wish i could spend even more time with her. She is so amazing and i love her with all my heart. ( even at the times when she is being so mean and evil that we get in huge huge fights and i have to yell at her to tell her to tell me she loves me cause she loves me and i love her and its all just abunch of love...ehhh yeah!)i told you it was way to early to write in here...But me and her are doing great. And HOPEFULLY she will do what she said she going to do but wont tell me when SOON cause if she DOSENT then im going to get Krunk. YEAAAAH! Well i think this is enough. im done maybe ill write in it again soon...
Brina baby i love you with all my heart baby. Even if you mom think i need a well one of the persons. She is just jealous cause aleah is cooler than her! lol anyways baby i cant wait to talk to you today hopefully you will get your butt up and call me...like now!!! Thanks for everything honey! I HEART YOU SUGAR!!!!
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I Love Nikki! [Oct. 7th, 2004|07:42 pm]
xscreamorockerx
[mood |happyhappy]
[music |Braves vs Astros]

Love. What a crazy thing. Some time you can think it sucks. Other times you can think it is the greatest thing to ever happen to you. Other times its just there..or you think it is anyways. Heres the thing though when you have TRUE love, true unconditionally Love its always so amazing. You can learn so much from loving someone..i know i have.

For the past 9 months i have been in the most amazing relationship ever with the most amazing girl ever. I took me awhile to see what we could really have but i see it clearly now. Just to think i broke her heart and could have lost the most important thing in my life right now is just mind blowing. To think everything i put her through she still loves me know matter what is aweosme. The last 9 months of my life have been amazing because of Nikki. She has truely been my inspiration! She has shown me what true love is and how awesome it is.

Nikki baby, You are the love of my life. If i look back at all my entries ever thing i have ever said to you..none of that will ever come close to how i really feel. Baby you have been there for me through everything no matter what and i can never thank you enough. Has each day goes on i learn so much from you and i fall farther and farther in love. I am so anxious to see what else you teach me and what else is to come for us. I know that God has something amazing planned for us and we just have to wait...somthing we both know i dont want to do but i will. I cant wait to share the rest of forever with you. I love you and i always will. SHOUST!
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God's perfect plan [Oct. 5th, 2004|07:15 pm]
xscreamorockerx
[mood |ecstaticecstatic]

So things lately have been goin pretty good...other than today which basically blowed. everything has been aweosme

Thursday is 9 months with me and nikki. i cant wait. Its so amazing how things work out the way the do and the way things are working out between me and here are awesome! They couldnt be better and i know for a fact i wanna spend forever with her. She has shown me so much and i could never thank her enough! I love you nikki!!

FCA has been amazing. Last night was so awesome! We played around and had fun but we were also serious. We talked about Gods will for your life something i know nikki knows i have been struggling with. I wanna do whats right and make sure what i do is his will. Romans 12:1-2 says basically if your seeking after God will everything in you and your doin right your gonna be in his will...what happens will be good. That is so amazing..

Trinity College in Illinios has been sending me so much stuff. Tonight it was aweosme getting a letter from nichole. She was encouraging and im really thinking about my choices for colloge now..but everything else is goin good life is good and im living...living in the moment...living for God...and living for love

Nikki i love you!!!!
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(no subject) [Oct. 2nd, 2004|10:25 am]
xscreamorockerx
[mood |ecstaticecstatic]
[music |All American Rejects "Last Song"]

WOW! Time has been going by so fast. Before i know it school will be done and everyone will be...gone...

Things with my friends these days well im not sure how to say how they are goin. Not to great but not to bad. We will get through it all. With God being the main focus in our lives i know he will help out...

Fall is here! im so happy. This is the best time of year..even though it still feels like summer. Got another hurricane day off a school. Thats like three now! hekc yea i want more i love them. And we dont have to make them up. YES!!!
Im goin to watch FSU beat up on NC today. It is gona be a fun time. i cant think of to much to write about whats goin on. Things are just goin i guess.

Nikki and me got in a lil fight. I thought she was cheating on me with some dude. I had every right to think that though. Her away message did tell alex to call her no matter what and that she loved him. But it wasnt from nikki it was from nicole. Yes i know everyone told me i am stupid to believe that. And i didnt at first. Me and nate had a talk. a long talk. about nikki..megan..relationships. If you wanna be with them you HAVE to trust them no matter what. Even if it turns out you are wrong. But i KNOW that i have trust in nikki. and i belive that alex was for nicole. If it turns out im wrong then God will defiently be there but i KNOW im right and that shes not lieing. Nikki is my everything. When i found this all out i didnt know what to do. My heart was crushed and i just felt like dying. I know she felt the same way when i told her it was gonna be over. But we have worked this all out. Its all behind us and were moving on. I dont think anything can stop us from being together. The love we have for eachother is so strong and it will never fade..

Nikki baby i love you. and reading that i hope i didnt upset you at all. Especially the part when i said i didnt belive you at first. Im sry baby but i didnt and you know that. But i do know i have full faith and trust in you. And i know you would never cheat on me and i hope you know i wouldnt to you either. Baby i love you so much you are my all my everything. and im glad we got over that... it proves we can get over anything no matter what! I love you baby now and forever! SHOUST!
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rnc/God [Sep. 2nd, 2004|03:23 pm]
xscreamorockerx
[mood |ecstaticecstatic]
[music |"Pontail Parade" EMERY]

So whats up guys? I thought i would do a little update..

My relationship with God has grown alot lately. Im matureing so much and i think its so awesome an im so happy about it! Im involved with so much more now than i was and its helping alot. Some people say i am involved TOO much seeing that everynight almost i have something goin on to deal with Christ. I say im NOT inloved ENOUGH. We gotta live for him everyday. Im not sayin everything we do should be Jesus Jesus Jesus but we should do everything for him. (collosians 3:23)

I am really into all of this politcal stuff goin on. Ive been watching the Republican National Convention and i am loving it. We discuss everything in Government i think i am the only one in my class with the views i have if there are others they dont show it...

AGAINST homosexuals
AGAINST abortion
AGAINST John kerry all in general
theres so much more with the ecomony..like Arnold says "dont be an economic girly man" The economy isnt bad!

anyways ima leave with a quote i love its my fav...

"LIVE YOUR LIFE THAT PEOPLE WHO KNOW YOU, BUT DONT KNOW GOD, CAN COME TO KNOW GOD THROUGH YOU"
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E3 LIVE!!! [Aug. 28th, 2004|10:22 am]
xscreamorockerx
[mood |refreshedrefreshed]
[music |Oami "Typicall recation"]

Last night was so amazing! It was the Element 3 Live. It was from like 7-midnight i think. but it was so much fun. I went with bob kyle sarah garret david and steph. Then i saw abunch of kids i havent seen in ever like micah and lauren it was sooo good to see both of them! They are two awesome girls on fire for God! And so funny! like our whole college group form our church was there it was a blast. Just meeting new people mostly college kids and talkin it was awesome. Such an awesome enviroment too. It was so packed!

Scott Simmons band played followed by Oami and then johnny diaz. But their music was so amazing. All three bands. Alot of it being just straight up praise music then some of it not. ...Which was really cool because when i am in school and dont wanna learn what the teachers are teaching i zone out..and yesterday i wrote a praise song and it is awesome if i say so myself....but back to e3 live...
Scott simmons did a song called "mcdonald is a wonderland" ..yea you can guess its a pariody of John Mayer. But the bands was awesome. And they would talk alot about things im going through right now in life and it helped and man such an amazing night!

oh how can i forget!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY HADASSAH!!!!!! <--- she is my neice!!!
Also its Aunt Sallys bday so happy bday to her too lol what an aweosme day!
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FUSEBOX [Aug. 26th, 2004|03:51 pm]
xscreamorockerx
[mood |exhaustedexhausted]
[music |"Cadence" Anberlin]

FUSEBOX LAST NIGHT WAS AMAZING!!!

So i got to church and steph was basically like lets go see fusebox so me her and david dipped out of church and went. It was so much fun. We meet up with alisha and mallory. and it was packed! it was held at wildwood church so its not that big and there were over 1000 people

Fusebox was so amazing! The worship was so intense. And when i say intense i mean intense! We were rocking so hard the mics would fall down lol and a huge mosh pit started...keep in mind this was worship music. But wow they are so amazing. Got to be one of my favs. And i saw abunch of kids i havent seen in along time. Ralph,liz,heather just abunch of cool kids..so FUSEBOX was awesome! If you get a chance to go see them defietnly do cause its worth it!
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Mr. TIndale...RIP.... [Aug. 23rd, 2004|03:46 pm]
xscreamorockerx
Friday night my math teacher Mr. Tindale went Suba Diving in Ginny Springs. I remember him being so excited about it. He was telling us it all and just really happy....

He died friday night of a scuba diving accident. When i first heard i was in shock and i didnt believe it at all. Mr. Tindale was defiently my favoriate teacher and he is going to be missed by everyone. The way he taught and the way he just lived was so awesome. It was so fun.

Lucky to say he is a Christian. His dad is the preacher at a Killearn United Method church so that brings alot of comfort. Just knowing he was a Christian and that he lived for Christ by all that he did and was active in Promise Keepers. Such a comfort knowing that he is in heaven right now with Christ!

Hes the second person i have lost this month. Mrs duncan talked to us today in math everyone was so sad. She said this life is like dress rehearsal for the next. She was soo encouraging. And having her tell us all that she did and using it to present Christ was so awesome.

Mr Tindale will be missed by all. May God continue to bless his family and friends in this hard time. Rip Mr. Tindale!......
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funeral/school/love [Aug. 16th, 2004|04:58 pm]
xscreamorockerx
[mood |blahblah]
[music |pillar "live for him"]

So alot has happend lately. And i have learned alot..maybe

Well my Uncle kelly passed away last not yesterday but last sunday. We had his funeral and it was sad. We are really going to miss him cause he was a great guy! But he is in heaven! so that is good.

School started today. It was so crazy. Im not even going to go into all of that. just really crazy and different. But we are seniors now...not sure i like that or not....

me and nikki things well things arnt really going nowhere. but you cant just give up on love in hard times....
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7 months [Aug. 6th, 2004|12:28 pm]
xscreamorockerx
[mood |excitedexcited]
[music |"Everything About You" Sanctus Real]

Tomorrow is 7 months for me and nikki. Wow. I cant belive its been 7 months. Only 5 more until 1 year. I cant belive it. So usually on days like this i would write about how much i love nikki. How much i care about her and how she is my everything. Well im not going to do that today. I feel that no matter how much i do that no matter what i say it will never justifie how much i love her. So im just going to keep it simple.

Nikki I want to thank you. I want to thank you for everything you have done for me. You have been there for me when ever i needed it no matter what was going on. So i thank You. I also thank you for being the best gf i could ever ask for. For being in this relationship with me and not giving up on it when it got hard. I thank you for loving me unconditionally and for just being so amazing. You never cease to amaze me honey. So Thank you so much for making the last 7 months unforgetable and so amazing. It just gets better from here :). I love you so much and i always will. SHOUST!
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Shows, Shows, and eh more shows. [Aug. 4th, 2004|02:07 pm]
xscreamorockerx
[music |"WALLS" EMERY]

wow so much as been goin on lately.

There are alot of shows comming up i cant wait to see. Hopefully i will get to go..let see comming in the next few weeks are..

AUTOPILOT OFF- KILLSWITCH ENGAGE - FROM AUTUMN TO ASHES - EIGHTEEN VISIONS - BLINDSIDE - ME WITHOUT YOU - THE KICKS - DIMINSON MARRS - ATREYU - EVERY TIME I DIE -UNEARTH - SHINEDOWN - FUSEBOX -

then in november is the big Toby Mac Third Day show and in september im going down to orlando to see MERCEY ME - AUDIO ADRENALINE - RELIENTK - JOHN RUEBEN - KJ52 - SEVEN PLACES - KUTLESS - DAVID CROWDER BAND - NEWSBOYS - BARLOW GIRL - BUILDING 429 - and thats just a few its a huge concert i cant wait so i got alot of shows comming up.

Lets see what else is goin on eh school is commin up. it will be cool cause its the last year YEAH SENIORS 05!!! lol

Me and Nikki have our 7 months comming up saturday. So ill prob write an entry like i always do. Things with me and her are pretty good. We havent talked much lately but hopefully that will change. I love you baby with all of my heart!
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Dive.M-fuge 2004! [Jul. 28th, 2004|03:10 pm]
xscreamorockerx
Wow!! I guess that’s all I can say.I got back from an amazing experience saturdy night. It was so amazing! I went to M-fuge (Mission Fuge) with my youth group. It was so much fun and so life changing to a lot of people! We were serving in the city of brotherly love this time..yea that’s right PHILADELPHIA!!! Man I don’t even know where to began. It was just so amazing. You get to pick a track to be in for the week and what you pick is what you getta do in the city. I chose PCY! I did it last year in Nashivlle so I was looking forward to it again. PCY is painting, construction and yard work.. I thought I was really comfortable there so I was excited about doing It again. To my surprise I didn’t get it. I ended up getting Games and Rec. God had put me out of my comfort zone and I was going to be dealing with kids all week. But it was such an amazing experience and im so glad I got it cause I think I learned a lot and it was fun getting out of my comfort zone. My group went to Carroll Park. Its in West phili. Basically in the ghetto. Those kids don’t have much. The park was pretty nice. There was only one swing though cause the gang members would take the swing chains and use them has weapons. There is a lot of drug dealin that goes on down there and I think there was a police car opr anbulance drive by every 30 mins .Josh our leader told us storys about the weeks before how the kids would tell you how they got beat and stuff. It was so sad. But I was really anxious to get there and see what it was like for my eyes. As soon as I got there the kids were jumping all over us. We played a lot of tag that week….a lot! Also a lot of tag with the kids on your back. They loved to get on your back and you had to chase other kids around. Really tiring. We played some football and my fav DUCK DUCK GOOSE! Lol I love playing it with the kids. With in 5 mins of playing there would be atleast 3 kids it lol. But just showing them love and teaching them about Christ was so awesome. And just just knowing what they would go home to making them smile was so awesome. Tuesday night our youth group took a tour around the city which was fun. We gotta run up the rocky steps and jump around looking stupid like tourist. Lol it was so much fun though! We also gotta eat at Campo’s which was a phili cheese steak place. SOOO good. But man I think everyone was feeling them during worship. …Worship time was so intense. The praise band was amazing and Joey the pastor was awesome. He went to FSU (GO NOLES!) so that was exciting. STEPH GOT SAVED!!!! Which was one of the biggest things for me. I am so happy for her!! i think another big thing was learing some stuff i can aplly to my relationship with nikki. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH BABY!!!!!!!! Man I can go on and on but ill save some for my next enter aftre I get my pics back today and stuff.also tonight is the Mfuge service at church where we all talk. Its gonna be awesome! GOD BLESS YOU GUYS!!

NI’NAH KULU MARASALA LA YASULAH (WERE ALL MISSIONARYS FOR JESUS!!!)
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Burning Hearts (6 Months) [Jul. 8th, 2004|04:04 pm]
xscreamorockerx
Yesterday was 6 months for Nikki and me. It deffiently sucked. I think that was one of the worst days I have had in along time. I won’t go into all that happen but it sucked. Nikki is outta town so I miss her so much! We talked Tuesday for a lil bit but I really wanted to talk to her yesterday and it didn’t happen. Hopefully were talk today. I cant wait for her to get back .we will have 4 days with each other until I leave for 10 days. AHHH that’s gonna suck!

I can’t believe that it has been half a year for nikki and me. Before we know it its going to be a year. I love her with all my heart and it feels so good just knowing that she loves me has much has I love her. It’s the best feeling in the world. Things arnt exactly like we want them to be. I mean there are things we are going to have to over come I guess you can say but I know we can and I know our love will last. Not being able to be with each other like we wanna kinda sucks. I know that God has it this way for a reason right now and we just have to trust him. He knows what he’s doing and He knows what is best for us. Hopefully one of these days really soon we can be together like we want.

Last night I was listen to the radio and starfield came on with their song “Filled with your glory”
The lyrics…
In my heart, in my heart, there's a fire burning A passion deep within my soul Not slowing down, not growing cold An unquenchable flame That keeps burning brighter A love that's blazing like the sun For who You are and what You've done

It just sat there and thought. I have heard that song hundreds of times and for once the lyrics just hit me. I use to be like that. I use to be all about Jesus and I would spend so much time with him. My heart desired him so much. It was like my love for him kept growing and I would always be in awe of Him. My relationship with him was like no other. But that fire is gone. Its died out. When it died out I started to try and fill my life with out stuff. Not necesarryly bad stuff. But things that I shouldn’t. I have realized I want the desire back. I need it. I want to be on Fire for God again. I want to shine so bright it effefts everyone around me. I want the passion in my heart that I once had.

God has given me a gift of an amazing gf. She is the most beautiful girl in the world. Shes everything I could ever want in a gf plus so much more. But I need to make sure I put God first. My passion for both of them in my heart is so amazing.

Nikki baby I love you with all that I am! You have help make these last 6 months a couple of the best! I know that these next 6 are going to be even better though! Im so glad that we have this chance again. You are my all baby and there is nothing I wouldn’t do for you! If you ever need something im here for you! Always! You are the most amazing person I have ever met. And I simply love you. You have my heart now and forever! I promise I will give you all that I am and I will love you with all my heart forever. I just know you’re the one for me nikki. I love you!
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"Fightin" [Jun. 24th, 2004|02:43 pm]
xscreamorockerx
I havent updated in awhile so I thought I would. A lot has been going on. I got grounded and sick so its cool by the time I am off being grounded I wont be sick so im not really missing out on anything lol. Just been chillen with my friends this summer has been awesome. 20 something days until M-FUGE philadelphia is going to be amazing I cant wait! Im defiently going to miss nikki though. We arent gonna be able to talk a lot next month which is gonna suck so bad but we will get through it! ( You better call on our 6 months baby!) Speaking of Nikki things were going great with her..and they are now too. But we have got into acouple of aruguments lately. I hate when that happens but I guess its brought us closer in some way. I love her so much and If I ever lost her I would die. I was having a bad night last night and was down and stuff and she was there for me so it felt so good. She’s defiently the best gf I could ever ask for. So thank you baby! We are starting to do a Bibel thingy together so i think were going to be blessed so much commin up.

Nikki i love you. I just love you. No matter what happens i will always love you! Im so glad we got through the past cople weeks. Things liek taht will happen but we can get through it I love you with all of my heart baby shoust!
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5 months [Jun. 8th, 2004|11:43 am]
xscreamorockerx
[mood |thankfulthankful]
[music |"Standard Lines" Dashboard Confessional]

I should have done this yesterday. I started to but some things happend and i just couldnt finish it. so im gonna do it now. Yesterday was 5 months for me and nikki. It was alot of fun. Talking to her and her friends who are really cool may i add. lol. I sit here and just think about her and i think that next month will be 6 months of us being together which will be half a year. That will become the longest relationship i have ever had and i wouldnt want to spend all this time with anyone else. I look back over all my other entries and they all talk about how nikki is so amazing and how i love her so much ect. but none of it even starts to explain how i feel for her. Its like i cant capture my feelings for her in words. I try my best but they never come like i want them to they never do justice to what i am feeling. I am in awe that we have lasted this long! I dont think either of us thought it would last this long. but it has and both of us has fallen more and more in love has each day passes. Im so thankful for that. If i could spend forever with her i would and hopefully it will happen...

Nicole, baby i hope you has an awesome day yesterday. Im so glad we have made it this far. We have been through so much together, good and bad. Luckly most of it has been good. lol I wish i could show you how much you mean to me. I wish i could show you how much i love you, how much i care about you. But i think you have an idea of what i feel cause i think you feel as strong as i do about you for me. Im so thankful that you never gave up on me even in the worst times you still loved me and i thank you for that. If you would have given up on me i dont think we would be together today. You are the best gf and possibly best friend i have ever had and i couldnt ask for a better one. You have shown me what TRUE love is. So many times we think that we might love that person we are with but with you i KNOW I LOVE YOU. I hope these 5 months turn into 10 months and then into years. I couldnt want anyone else but you to spend the rest of forever with. You do amaze me i say that alot but its so true. Thank you for loving me as much as i love you. I cant wait to realy be with you. And i know it will happen when God is ready for it to happen. We just got to follow his will for our lives and everything is going to turn out perfect. I love you with all of my heart and i always will. Happy 5 months sweetheart!
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Everything I do [Jun. 5th, 2004|11:20 am]
xscreamorockerx
[mood |happyhappy]
[music |"everything i do" nfg remake]

Nikki, You just amaze me baby. Theres nothing i could say that would describe my love for you to the fullest. Ive fallen so hard for you and im so glad. I love you with all of my heart and i always will. Thank you for never giving up on me. You the greatest thing in my life. Your such a blessing. Thank you for loving me as much as i love you! You amaze me to no end. SHOUST BABY I LOVE YOU!

Look into my eyes - you will see
What you mean to me
Search your heart - search your soul
And when you find me there you'll search no more
Don't tell me it's not worth tryin' for
You can't tell me it's not worth dyin' for
You know it's true
Everything I do - I do it for you

Look into my heart - you will find
There's nothin' there to hide
Take me as I am - take my life
I would give it all I would sacrifice
Don't tell me it's not worth fightin' for
I can't help it there's nothin' I want more
Ya know it's true
Everything I do - I do it for you

There's no love - like your love
And no other - could give more love
There's nowhere - unless you're there
All the time - all the way

Don't tell me it's not worth tryin' for
I can't help it there's nothin' I want more
I would fight for you - I'd lie for you
Walk the wire for you - Ya I'd die for you

Ya know it's true
Everything I do - I do it for you
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